The Ultimate Challenge
Here is an interesting question: Who are you within the parameters of an intimate relationship? Do you understand this question? I’m not always as clear as I would like to be, so I want to make sure that everyone is on the same page here. The question speaks not necessarily to whom you are now, but who you will become when you engage in an emotionally dynamic relationship with an intimate, relational partner. In other words, if you are like most people, then you will begin to transform and morph your behavior once you enter into ‘the relationship’.
Have you noticed it?
More and more single people around these days, right? Some might say more and more lonely people. However it is my belief that there are more and more courageous people these days who dare to become emotionally independent, and who dare to dream of self actualization. Sure, you might argue that self actualization is something that could or perhaps, should, be able to be pursued no matter what your relational status is. However, I argue that for most people this is a state of being that must be pursued in relative emotional isolation. Most people who say otherwise are most likely fooling themselves. Conversely, you could argue that self actualization can not happen without a significant other to be your ‘mirror’ and show you yourself, fully as it were.
There are exceptions to this however, a few here, a few there. Some folks can actualize themselves and tackle the responsibilities of being a conscious partner at the same time. However, these individuals are few and far between. Most people are constantly in an unconscious state of seeking love and validation and thus, the person or people who choose to be single, are often in recognition of the emotionally addictive nature of relationships and are in the process of trying to wean themselves off of this drug.
I can hear you out there
Proponents of the argument for a loving relationship are very vocal when it comes to this philosophy. They say, ‘But you need to love and be loved to be whole’ or ‘it’s my right to want someone to love’ or ‘you cannot evolve without someone to show you who you are.’ I’ve heard it all, truly. Everyone has their own individual path to enlightenment and will take that path. No two paths will ever look the same, but I will tell you this: most people are more likely to undergo conscious evolution outside of a relationship than inside of one. You can argue all you want with me, but that is the truth. Most of the fully illumined conscious seekers have taken some years outside of and away from the confines of ‘the relationship’ in order to actualize themselves to the point where they feel emotionally independent and evolved.
Here is the question
What happens if, you find someone, but you are still in the process of evolving and working on yourself? What happens if you are a conscious seeker who is working to integrate your emotional body (arguably the only aspect that really needs to be integrated) and then this other person pops up in your life? What if they are also a conscious seeking, spiritual being like yourself? How do you negotiate this new terrain?
In the pursuit of consciousness one finds that the trick is not really pursuing it, but rather maintaining it. Thus, the pursuit of consciousness becomes the maintenance of consciousness from moment to moment. As a very good friend of mine says, “How about now?” and “How about now?” If you understand what this means then you understand that my meaning is that the pursuit of consciousness is being with how you feel in every moment. How do you feel in this moment? If you are able to be emotionally honest and in touch with how you feel then you may notice, of a sudden, that in this particular moment you are feeling less than integrated; then you can allow this feeling to surface for integration. This is the ultimate pursuit of consciousness.
So now, engaging in this type of interaction with a significant other? With someone who will become your mirror and most likely trigger you in big and small ways? The maintenance of consciousness has never been so challenged as in the arena of intimacy. Here is the testing and proving ground of any would be conscious seeker and experienced integrationist. Here is where you will get to find out how conscious you really are. Are you willing to allow to come up, be with, and ultimately integrate whatever feeling comes your way? This is the test that many are stepping up to the plate during these extreme times to come face to face with. This is your test, this is your challenge. Be who you want to be with by integrating your mirror.
Author of Reality Creation 101
Christopher Pinckley is the author of Reality Creation 101, a ground breaking spiritual self-help book about healing your unconscious and learning how to become the conscious creator of your own experience. He is also a spiritual teacher, blogger, and life coach. Look for his break through coaching program at the start of 2011.